"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When Erap returns, he lost nearly 20 pounds.

Sinunod mo talaga ang instructions ko no?"

Erap nods. "Pero, Doc, akala ko babagsak ako sa pangatlong araw."

"Sa gutom?" the doctor asked.

"Hindi, prom i-skipping."

Erap and Jinggoy to watch a movie. Before entering,

Erap reads sign on the door: "PULL"

Erap: "tsk tsk. Balik na lang tayo bukas. Puno na naman eh!"

When his granddaughter fell ill, Erap instructed his wife to immediately bring the child to the "PEDESTRIAN."

At a restaurant, WHILE CUTTING HIS 'LENGUA ESTOFADA,' A PIECE FALLS ON THE FLOOR.

Embarrassed, Erap tells his lady companion,
"SORRY, SLIP OF THE TONGUE."

In the 1992 elections, Fidel Ramos, Miriam Santiago, and Erap filed their applications for candidacy at the Comelec at the same time and filled out the forms together on one long table. Erap quickly filled in the space for name, address, and date of birth, but hesitated upon seeing the heading "SEX."

HE SAW WHAT RAMOS HAD PLACED UNDER 'SEX' -THE LETTER 'M.'

HE LOOKED AT MIRIAM AND SAW SHE HAD WRITTEN 'F.'

THEN ERAP WROTE UNDER SEX: 'M-W-F.'

Asked if her has ever watched ballet,
Erap says, "OH YES. I ONCE SAW SILVER SWAN LAKE."

Erap is scheduled for an operation to remove a cyst in his leg.

Doctor to Erap: "I WILL HAVE TO APPLY LOCAL ANAESTHESIA."