Erap: Hallow?

Clinton: Hello, hello? Hello!
(There was a little static)

Erap: Hallow, hallow ka rin! Magsalita ka! Sino ka ba? Anong kailangan mo? Wala na akong trabahong mabibigay sa 'yo!

Clinton: Hello, President Estrada! This is President Bill Clinton calling from America.

Erap: Bill who? From America? Collect call ba ito?

Clinton: Bill Clinton. I'm calling from the White House.

Erap: I don't know no Bill clinton. Bill collector, yes, billboard yes, and I post no bill, yes. But Bill Clinton...?

Clinton: bill Clinton, of Monica Lewisky fame...

Erap: Oh, that Bill. So, you're that lucky stiff. What do you want?

Clinton: I want to ask some advice. You know, I'm going to testify before a grand jury tomorrow and I don't know what to say. You have wide experience in these things, so I thought you could give me some pointers.

Erap: Actually Bill, nobody points any girl to me. Usually, the girls are my leading ladies or starlets in the movies. When my very own pointer stands up and points to her, I court her and she eventually becomes the mother of my children. by the way, how was Monica?

Clinton: terrific.

Erap: I would like to meet her. Will you introduce us?

Clinton: I sure will- if I get out of this alive.

Erap: Does she speak good English? Will she understand my carabao English?

Clinton: I don't know if she speaks good English. She couldn't talk much whenever we're together in that small room.

Erap: Did you do it with her?

Clinton: No. She did it to me.

Erap: I see. What are you going to tell the grand jury?

Clinton: That's what I called you about. You got away with these things. How do you do it?

Erap: Lying down of course. Sometimes, standing up. but that's hard on the knees and hips.

Clinton: I don't mean that. I mean how do you get away with it? You became president even though you have many wives. Here I am with only a few encounters and I'm already on the verge of losing my presidency.

Erap: Because the women you choose kiss and tell. My women don't tell. Remember, like dead men, satisfied women tell no tales.

Clinton: My problem is my dick. He's hard-headed.

Erap: Dick? Ah, Dicks are really hard-headed. A real problem. My Dick refuses to give up. He wants to continue at his job even when I no longer want him to.

Clinton: Wow, I envy you. How long can you keep it up?

Erap: Until the Court of Appeals makes its decision. Or until dick gives up.

Clinton: You need a court to decide that for you? What kind of a dick do you have?

Erap: Wait a minute. I think we're talking about different Dicks. I'm talking about my Dick Gordon. You're talking about your own dick.

Clinton: You still haven't told me what to say to the grand jury.

Erap: Tell the truth, like I did. Did you have sexual relations with Monica?

Clinton: Well, ah yes and no...

Erap: What do you mean in "yes and no"?

Clinton: I don't want to go into specific details.

Erap: Did you have an affair with Monica?

Clinton: Yes. It was inappropriate.

Erap: Inappro..inappropri...Don't use big words with me. You know naman I'm not very good in English. What does that big word mean?

Clinton: It was a mistake.

Erap: Oh, so she got pregnant?

Clinton: No, she didn't

Erap: You said "mistake". To me a mistake is only when the girl gets pregnant. Don't you use condoms?

Clinton: I don't mean that kind of mistake. I just slipped up with that girl.

Erap: Everybody makes mistakes. Even I make mistakes. I have already made many mistakes and I have been president for less than two months.

Clinton: My first mistake was getting married. I shouldn't have gotten married to Hillary.

Erap: Marriage never stopped me.

Clinton: I'm so nervous. That Kennett Starr is a bastard!

Erap: Don't be sore at bastards. It's not their fault. I have many of them.

Clinton: What do you think they will do to me?

Erap: They will impeach you.

Clinton: Actually, I'm not afraid of facing impeachment proceedings.

Erap: Yun pala. What are you afraid of?