boy: o melanie, paano na ang showbiz career mo ngayong nagmo-mormon ka na?
melanie: a okay lang yan boy kasi matagal na rin akong semi-retarded.

2. super sireyna contest:

emcee: anong masasabi mo sa death penalty?
bading; a ano po yun toot por toot, eye por eye.
emcee: paki-eksplika nga?
bading: ganito po yun: kung pinatay mo ang nanay ko, dapat, patayin din ang nanay mo!

3. little miss philippines contest

emcee: anong gusto mong maging paglaki mo?
little miss contestant: maging lalaki po.

4. little miss philippines contest

emcee (to boy consort, inaalaska): okay 'tong suot mo boy, a!
boy consort: 'TANG INA MO!

5. mr. world philippines contest

emcee: what do you think should a man possess to be successful?
contestant: i think, that for a man to be successful, he should be a responsible, because if he should not be a responsible, he will not have a successful. that is all. i thank you.

6. kuya germs, interviewing the boygroup, 98 degrees

kuya germs: are you already married?
98 member: no, i'm still single.
kuya: WOW! imagine that! what a koynseedense! three years ago, you are here, you are single. i am here, i am single. now, three years after, you are still here, you are still single. i am still here, i am still single!
it's anbeeleebabol!

7. hetero talent scout, sighting a super gorgeous girl, and trying to score points

talent scout: excuse me. are you a commercial?
(after five milliseconds and realizing booboo). model?

the weird part of this story is that, kumagat ang girl. at magsyota na sila ni mr. booboo. baka mas malala pa ingles ni girl kasi.

8. leonardo litton and rodel velayo, guesting on keep on dancing

charlene gonzales: hi leonardo, hi rodel, welcome to keep on dancing!
leonardo litton: welcome din po!

9. boy abunda and anabel rama

boy: anabel, anong masasabi mo sa mga insinuation ni isabel, na para bang, bugaw ka?
anabel: eekskyus me no, buuy!!?? kaldiro lang ang binibinta ko nuun, sa istayts!!! hinde ako nagbibinta ng pikpik!!!

10. TV patrol coverage by JV Villar, of an old and ugly transvestite hooker, CANDY, reporting to police the alleged homicide attack on him/her by SAID ALAA, a Palestinian "client." This was shot just outside Said's prison cell, and Saad and Candy are standing side by side.

Candy: But him and me, we are already decisioning. That I will decision to not anymore demand a case to him.
(off-cam voice): paano mangyayari na hindi mo na siya kakasuhan.
Candy: That him and me, he will marry me.

Natawa na lang si Saad at dumeretso sa selda niya.

11. Eat Bulaga husband and wife compatability contest (a la New Married game)

Host: Misis, ano ang nilalagay ni Mister sa kanyang itlog tuwing umaga??
Misis: Johnson's Baby Powder!