Subject: Bayani.com Balita #70
Date: 08 Oct 00 03:43:41 +-0800
From: "Bayani.com" <super@bayani.com>
Reply-To: bayanibalita-owner@egroups.com
To: "Balita Listahan" <bayanibalita@egroups.com>

Kaibigan,

Mabuhay!
Akin na po ang pinakamahabang isang salitang URL para sa website sa buong
mundo - ang http://www.supercalifragilisticexpialidoceous.com. Hindi ko pa
alam kung ano ano ang ilalagay ko doon pero baka mga bagay na nakakabilib sa
mundo.

Patawad na naman sa matagal na pagkawala.  May sakit ako ngayon at may
pagsusulit sa darating na linggo pero dahil hindi ko matiis ang mga sulat
ninyo (kilala niyo na po kung sino kayo) eto ang isang sulat na sanay
mabigyan kayo ng katuwaan.

Domain names, websites, at webhosting sa http://webworksco.com lang po ang
punta ha.

===============

Army: No pain, no gain
Air Force: No guts, no glory
Marines: No retreat, no surrender
Police: No valor, no honor
Security Guard: No ID, no entry
Abu Sayyaff: no ransom, no release
ERAP: no read, no write

Shaira: IQ 120, promil user until age 6
Ryan: IQ 130, promil user until age 5
Joan: IQ 130, promil user until age 7
Erap: Low IQ, Promil user until now, but no progress

Ibig sabihin ng SMB:
Para kay Efren Bata Reyes: Sarap Maging Bungal
Para kay April Boy Regino: Sarap Maging Baduy
Erap: Sarap Maging Bobo

Hot News: Planned assasination for Erap failed. Erap was shot in the head
with .45 caliber pistol but survived dahil walang utak na tinamaan.

Kumakalat na warning Text ngayon: Be careful, Erap is checking all
textmessages ngayon.
Text in English para di ma-detect.

Talumpati ni Erap: "Ngayong bagong milenyo, tapos na ang problema natin sa
Komunismo, Tapos na rin ang problema natin sa Imperyalismo. Ang problema
nalang natin ngayon ay Ako mismo."

Sir, ano po ba ang pinagawa nyong sticker na "LATANG PINOY"?
Ah, yan ba?
Tinagalog ko lang yung dating slogan na "
THE FILIPINO CAN".
Di ba mas maganda ngayon?

Sir, over fatigued na yata ang mga sundalo natin na lumalaban sa ABU
SAYYAFF" sabi ng isang   Heneral kay Erap.
Ganon ba? tanong ni Erap. "O sige, pagpalitin mo lahat sila ng Khaki for a
change."

Kumain sa isang sosyal na Restaurant si FVR at ERAP.
FVR: Give me a Swiss Steak and French fries.
Erap: Ako rin, give me sweeptakes and first prize too.

Nag-usap sina FVR at Erap sa sexual practice nila.
FVR: Naniniwala ka ba sa safe sex?
ERAP: OO naman, sinisigurado ko na wala ang mga asawa nila kapag ginagawa ko
yon.

Humahangos ang aid ni Erap dahil huli na ito sa meeting.
Aide: Sir, pasensya na kayo. Nag-brownout kasi habang papunta ako rito at
na-stuck ako sa ESCALATOR nang dalawang oras.
Erap: Ibig mong sabihin, dalawang oras kang nakatayo roon habang naghihintay
ka ng koryente?
Aide: ganon na nga po.
Erap: Bobo! Tanga! Estupido! Hunghang! Bakit hindi ka man lang umupo.

    Padala ni Alvin VinceCruz

===============
Alagaan ang inyong mata.  Magpatingin sa Perez optical (
http://www.perezoptical.com).  Hanapin sa site ang discount coupon.
===============

kasagutan sa mga bumabagabag sa iyong isipan

Tama ka sa iyong paglapit sa akin ukol sa iyong mga katanungan....dapatwat
hindi ako nakakasiguro sa lahat ng aking sagot, susubukan kong bigyang
liwanag ang lahat ng iyong katanungan...

Ang aking kaibigan ay mayroon lang mga ilang katanungan na matagal nang
bumabagabag sa kanyang araw-araw na pamumuhay. maaaring ang iba rito ay alam
na rin ito ngunit walang makapagbigay ng akmang kasagutan o pagpapaliwanag.
ito ay ang mga sumusunod;

1. ang squidballs ba ay bayag ng pusit?
Ang squidballs ay hindi bayag ng pusit ngunit bayag ni Tiya Pusit.

2. pwede bang uminom ng softdrink kapag coffee break?
Pwedeng uminom ng softdrink kung coffebreak ngunit kailangan itong lagyan ng
asukal at kopimeyt. kopimeyt dapat at huwag gatas. (milk in my cereal,
kopimeyt in my pepsi. sounds good to me!)

3. pwede bang gamitin ang a.m. radio pag gabi na?
Maari lamang gamitin ang a.m. radio kapag gabi kung ang iyong pakikinggan ay
f.m.

4. ang fire exit ba ay labasan ng apoy?
Ang fire exit ay ginagamit lamang bilang labasan ng apoy kapag may sunog.
Ito ang kanilang daan upang sila'y makatakas o ang tinatawag na "fire
escape".

5. ang uod ba pag namatay ay inuuod din?
Ang tao kapag namatay ay hindi tinatao. Malamang ang uod ay hindi rin
inuuod. Kung ang tao ay inuuod kapag nalaguatan ng hininga, siguro ang uod
kapag namatay ay tinatao.

6. totoo bang ang mga manok na pinatay sa jolibee ay masasaya kaya sila
tinawag na chicken joy?
Ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jolibee ay masaya kung kaya't sila'y tinawag na
chicken joy. Ngunit hindi kinakailangang sa jolibee patayin ang manok upang
maging ito ay maging masaya...ang mga manok ay nagiging masaya kapag sila ay
may kasama sa buhay. Kapag ito ay nag-iisa lamang, ito ay hindi chicken joy
kundi...mcchicken singles. (Ang pinakamasayang manok sa lahat ay iyong 6 pc.
chicken mcnuggets o tinatawag na "orgy" sa inggles)

7. mayroon bang kahit isang langgam na mahilig sa maalat?
Alam na ba ninyo iyong patawa na "itlog maalat"? Nakagat ako minsan ng
langgam.......

8. kung ang 7-11 store ay bukas 24 hrs a day , 7 days a week , at 365 days a
year. bakit may lock pa ang pinto nila? bakit ? bakit?
Dalawa ang dahilan. Una, may coffee break (tingnan ang katanungan bilang 2
hinggil sa maaaring inumin kapag coffe break) din naman ang mga nagtatrabaho
sa 7-11. Pangalawa, mayroon tayong tinatawag na leap year.

9. bakit di mataas ang highway?
Dahil kung mataas ang hiway, walang paglalagyan ng skyway.

10. ba't alang lumilipad na sasakyan sa flyover?
Hindi lang natin nakikita ang mga nagliliparang sasakyan sapagkat hindi tayo
tumitingala kapag tayo ay nasa flyover. Ang pagsalin ng dayuhang salita na
flyover sa katutubong wika ay "fly"-lipad, "over"-sa ibabaw.
Ibig sabihin nito na ang mga kotse ay hindi lumilipad sa flyover ngunit sa
ibabaw ng flyover. Ngayon kung titingala ka naman kapag ikaw ay nasa flyover
ang tangi mong makikita ay ang kisame ng iyong sasakyan. Alam
kong wala sa inyong mayroong sasakyan na Miata, Boxster, Kompressor, Z3, Z8
at kung ano-ano pang kotseng pangmayaman kaya't huwag na kayong magpumilit
mamilosopo...ako lang ang may karapatan. Kung idadahilan niyo naman na
mayroon kayong sunroof, hanapin ninyo ang inyong tinatawag na "sense of
humor". namamatay ng maaga ang palaging seryoso.

sana ay nasagot ko ang iyong mga tanong at kung mayroon pang ibang bagay na
bumabagabag sa iyong isipan huwag kang mag-alinlangang magpadala sa akin ng
e-mail.  at lagi rin natin sana tandaan ang dayuhang salawikain na "ask a
dumb question and you'll get a dumb answer."

maraming salamat walang anuman.
da markster

   Padala ni Andrew DC

===============
 Domain name registration and virtual servers at http://WebWorksCo.com
===============

Joan of Arc

Erap went to France to watch the world cup. He was toured around by a
French official. "Mr. President, this is Joan of Arc. Do you know her?"
Erap: Of course. She's Noah's wife.

+++++++

SURNAME

Erap is a little bit confused on what surname to use. Estrada or Ejercito?
so he asked his presidential advisers.  and they all suggested "Sir,
tosscoin na lang ". and Erap happily agreed. He now told everyone to start
calling him President Joseph Tosscoin.

   Padala ni Bobbie

===============
Gusto niyo mag-shopping?  Magpunta sa http://1hunt.com.
===============

ERAP-CLINTON TALK ABOUT SEX AND WOMEN

It is not generally known, but President Clinton called President Estrada
for advice just before he testified before a grand jury on his relations
with Monica Lewinsky.  My spy in Malacanang was able to record on tape their
conversation.  Here is a transcript:

Erap:  Hallow?

Clinton:  Hello, hello? Hello! (There was a little static)

Erap:  Hallow, hallow ka rin! Magsalita ka!  Sino ka ba? Anong kailangan mo?
Wala na akong trabahong mabibigay sa 'yo!

Clinton:  Hello, President Estrada! This is President Bill Clinton calling
from America.

Erap: Bill who?  From America?  Collect call ba ito?

Clinton:  Bill Clinton.  I'm calling from the White House.

Erap:  I don't know no Bill clinton. Bill collector, yes, billboard yes, and
I post no bill, yes.  But Bill Clinton...?

Clinton:  bill Clinton, of Monica Lewisky fame...

Erap:  Oh, that Bill.  So, you're that lucky stiff.  What do you want?

Clinton: I want to ask some advice.  You know, I'm going to testify before a
grand jury tomorrow and I don't know what to say. You have wide experience
in these things, so I thought you could give me some pointers.

Erap:  Actually Bill, nobody points any girl to me. Usually, the girls are
my leading ladies or starlets in the movies. When my very own pointer stands
up and points to her, I court her and she eventually becomes the mother of
my children. by the way, how was Monica?

Clinton:  terrific.

Erap:  I would like to meet her.  Will you introduce us?

Clinton:  I sure will- if I get out of this alive.

Erap:  Does she speak good English?  Will she understand my carabao English?

Clinton:  I don't know if she speaks good English.  She couldn't talk much
whenever we're together in that small room.

Erap:  Did you do it with her?

Clinton:  No. She did it to me.

Erap:  I see. What are yougoing to tell the grand jury?

Clinton:  That's what I called you about.  You got away with these things.
How do you do it?

Erap:  Lying down of course.  Sometimes, standing up. but that's hard on the
knees and hips.

Clinton:  I don't mean that.  I mean how do you get away with it? You became
president even though you have many wives. Here I am with only a few
encounters and I'm already on the verge of losing my presidency.

Erap:  Because the women you choose kiss and tell.  My women don't tell.
Remember, like dead men, satisfied women tell no tales.

Clinton:  My problem is my dick.  He's hard-headed.

Erap:  Dick?  Ah, Dicks are really hard-headed.  A real problem. My Dick
refuses to give up.  He wants to continue at his job even when I no longer
want him to.

Clinton:  Wow, I envy you.  How long can you keep it up?

Erap:  Until the Court of Appeals makes its decision.  Or until dick gives
up.

Clinton: You need a court to decide that for you?  What kind of a dick do
you have?

Erap:  Wait a minute.  I think we're talking about different Dicks. I'm
talking about my Dick Gordon.  You're talking about your own dick.

Clinton:  You still haven't told me what to say to the grand jury.

Erap: Tell the truth, like I did.  Did you have sexual relations with
Monica?

Clinton:  Well, ah yes and no...

Erap:  What do you mean in "yes and no"?

Clinton:  I don't want to go into specific details.

Erap:  Did you have an affair with Monica?

Clinton:  Yes.  It was inappropriate.

Erap:  Inappro..inappropri...Don't use big words with me. You know naman I'm
not very good in English. What does that big word mean?

Clinton:  It was a mistake.

Erap:  Oh, so she got pregnant?

Clinton:  No, she didn't

Erap:  You said "mistake".  To me a mistake is only when the girl gets
pregnant.  Don't you use condoms?

Clinton:  I don't mean that kind of mistake.  I just slipped up  with that
girl.

Erap:  Everybody makes mistakes.  Even I make mistakes.  I have already made
many mistakes and I have been president for less than two months.

Clinton:  My first mistake was getting married.  I shouldn't have gotten
married to Hillary.

Erap:  Marriage never stopped me.

Clinton:  I'm so nervous.  That Kennett Starr is a bastard!

Erap: Don't be sore at bastards.  It's not their fault. I have many of them.

Clinton:  What do you think they will do to me?

Erap:  They will impeach you.

Clinton:  Actually, I'm not afraid of facing impeachment proceedings.

Erap:  Yun pala.  What are you afraid of?

Clinton:  Hillary.

     Padala ni Bobbie
     Nakalista sa http://www.bayani.com/patawa

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                      Inyong lingkod,
                      Super Perez
                      Tagapamahala
                      http://www.bayani.com

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