Subject: Bayani.com Balita #59
Date: Thu, 02 Mar 2000 14:26:25 +0800
From: Super Perez <super@bayani.com>
To: See_Bayani_com <SeeMySite@bayani.com>
Kaibigan,
Mabuhay!
AKTONG BAYANI: Palaguin ang disiplina! Harangan ang wala sa
linya!
Ang bagong pinoy portal! WEB.PH sa http://web.ph.
===============
Dermatologist to a patient.
DERMA: Miss, may good news ako sa inyo. Hindi na kayo tutubuan ng
tigyawat.
MS.: Talaga po doc?
DERMA: OO, dahil wala ng space.
Padala ni Lydia Rodriguez
===============
Alagaan ang inyong mata. Magpatingin sa Perez optical
(http://www.perezoptical.com). Hanapin sa site ang discount
coupon.
===============
Ito na lang ang bilhin mo signatures na signatures ang dating.
CK--------Cavite Kamiseta.
YSL-------Yari Sa Laguna.
UCB-------Under the Coconut tree in Baclaran.
DKNY------Divisoria Kanto Ng Ylaya.
At pag suot mo tong mga to pre, pang GQ model ang dating mo sa
magazines:
GQ------ Galing Quiapo ----------
Padala ni Lydia Rodriguez
===============
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===============
Police Chief: "Guards, may nakawalang hoodlum! Bantayan ang mga
exits!"
Later...
Guard: "Sir, nakatakas ang hoodlum."
Police Chief: "Paano nangyari iyun?"
Guard: "Sir, sa entrance siya dumaan."
Padala ni Lydia Rodriguez
===============
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http://philshopping.com.
===============
SHOWBIZ FUNNIES
1. NAP GUTIERREZ INTERVIEWING MANILYN REYNES IN MOVIE MAGAZINE
NAP: Saan ka movie outfit nakakontrata?
MANILYN: So far, hindi ko naman pinoproblema ang mga wardrobes ko
kasi ex-deal naman eh.
2. JULLIE YAP DAZA GUESTING ON VILMA!
JULLIE: O Vi nag-guest na ko dito sa show. Ikaw, kailan ka naman
mag-ge-guest sa show ko?
VILMA: Alam mo naman Tita Jullie, busy kami ni Ralph sa
pag-a-arrange ng kasal namin. Siguro pagkatapos na lang ng
marriage!
3. If I were to compare the stars of my era with the star
discoveries of Dr.Rey dela Cruz, it would be like placing the Taj
Majal of India side by side with a Volkswagen. * CELIA RODRIGUEZ
4. RITA GOMEZ AS A JUDGE IN A BB. PILIPINAS PAGEANT, ASKING A
CANDIDATE A QUESTION DURING THE Q AND A
(CANDIDATE INCIDENTALLY IS MARIA ISABEL LOPEZ)
RITA: Here's your question, hija: Are you still a virgin?
MARIA ISABEL: If I say I still am, can I bring home the crown
tonight?
RITA: Good answer!
MARIA ISABEL: What about you Ma'am, are you still a virgin?
RITA: Hija I have 5 children with 5 different fathers,what do you
call that,Immaculate Conception???
5. Ang ganda ng gospel number na yon, napaka-enlighting. Teka
magpupunas lang ako, I'm sweatening. *VILMA SANTOS
6. Thank you, Lucky for the flowers...where did they came from?
*VILMA SANTOS
7. Being Miss Universe is like having a birthstone, you may lose
it. Being a Filipina is like having a birthmark, it's forever.
*MARGIE MORAN DURING THE Q AND A PORTION OF THE 1973 MISS
UNIVERSE,ASKED WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING MISS UNIVERSE
AND BEING A FILIPINA
8. Ang pelikula mong PAYASHO Kuya GERMSH ay bulok, BASHURA,
PANISH kaya hindiSHURPRISE na hindi ka nominated SHA BESHT Actor.
*CHARLIE ARCEO
9. Salamat po sa Board of Judges. Ito na ho yata ang
pinakamaligaya kong pasko at manigong bagong taon sa inyong
lahat.
* MELANIE MARQUEZ'SACCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR WINNING BEST ACTRESS IN
A METRO FILMFEST
10. Successful naman ang libing ng nanay ko.
*BABETTE VILLARUEL
11. "Sa tingin ko ang pinaka-asset ko sa mukha ko ay ugali!
Mabait kasi ako eh"
*MR. POGI CONTESTANT'S ANSWER TO THE QUESTION: ANO SA MUKHA MO
ANG PINAKA-ASSET MO?
12. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Ma. Rosario
Liboon, I come from the beautiful city of Pangasinan...City!
*SHE'S GOT THE LOOK CONTESTANT DURING THE PARADE OF CONTESTANTS
13. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Carmelita
Hernandez, I come from Pasay City and I want to be a medicine!
*ANOTHER SHE'S GOT THE LOOK CONTESTANT DURING THE PARADE OF
CONTESTANTS
14. BOY A: O Melanie, do you have any message to your
mother-in-law incase nanonood siya ngayon!
MELANIE: You know what Kuya Boy, I have to speak in English cause
she cannot understand Tagalog. "You know what Mrs. Dee...I've
long been wanting to tell you this... Ang labo mo!"
15. EDU: So who's to blame?
VILMA: Excuse me, it's not my fault anymore. It's your fault
anymore!
16. CHARLIE ARCEO: EXKYUSH me, Ate LUDSH, I have a QUESHTION to
ISHNOOKY. ISHNOOKY GUSHTO ko lang SHANANG itanong na...
SNOOKY: (SUMINGIT BEFORE CHARLIE COMPLETES HIS QUESTION) Excuse
me Charlie, pero puwede bang isulat mo na lang para malinaw?
17. OVERHEARD FROM A GIRL NA GALIT SA KARARATING NA BOYFRIEND SA
STARBUCKS.
GIRL: My God you're so late. Where did you...Where have you...
Where do you...saan ka ba galing???
18. HOST: WHICH DO YOU PREFER: BLONDE OR DUMB?
GIRL: DUMB NA LANG AT LEAST HINDI AKO MAPAGKAKAMALANG BLONDE!
19. DESSA AFTER SINGING A SPOT NUMBER IN A REGINE VELASQUEZ
CONCERT. DESSA APPARENTLY SANG A VERY VOCALLY CHALLENGING SONG
AND AS EXPECTED,ENDED IT WITH A THROAT BREAKING NOTE.
REGINE ENTERS.
DESSA: O kala mo ikaw lang ang mataas ang boses. Kaya mo yun?
REGINE: Eh ano ngayon, maganda ka ba?
20. SABRINA M. MAKES TARAY TO OSANG IN A TALK SHOW.
SABRINA M: At least hindi naman ako katulad ng iba diyan na
retokado ang boobs.
OSANG: Hoy Sabrina, oo nga itong boobs ko retokado. Pero at least
ang ngipin ko hindi pustiso tulad ng sa yo! Ooops huwag kang
magagalit baka malaglag yan sa sahig!
21. "I am inviting all the televiewers to watch our movie "14
Going Steady" on the twenty-twoth of November...."
(HAY NAKU, O SIYA....) -Nadia Montenegro
22. "Sana po'y panoorin natin ang The Life Story Of Julie
Vega...alam kong masaya si Julie ngayon dahil it's just around
the corner.
(GAWIN DAW BANG CHRISTMAS SPIRIT SI JULIE?)
-Nadia Montenegro-
23. "I am not an addict. I am the victims!"
(WALA TALAGA SIYANG PAGOD,NO?)-Melanie Marquez-
24. Host: "Ano ba ang pinaka-favorite mong movie lately,
Melanie?"
Melanie: "Maganda yung kay Emma Thompson at Kate Winslet, yung
"Simple and Simplicity".
(ANG ATE NINYO TALAGA?!!!)
25. "If you're not gonna change this mic, this is going to be my
last show!"
-Jaya on stage, regarding her mic on the Kuh/Jaya Power of 2
cONcert, where there was a rumor that Kuh instructed the tech to
give Jaya a defective mic-
26. "Sikat na sikat ka talaga! Wala akong masabi sa yo. Wala
akong masabi lalo na sa kabaduyan mo!"
-Ai Ai delas Alas on her concert, with guest April Boy Regino-
27. "Magandang Tanghali po, ako po si Luzviminda Cortez mula sa
Camarines Sur, sumalangit na po ang inyong kaluluwa!"
-Miss Gay Philippines candidate during the parade of candidates-
28. RITA GOMEZ: Good evening, Elvira!
ELVIRA MANAHAN: It was! What's your business here?
RITA GOMEZ: It was plain business until the monkey came.
-Rita Gomez guesting on Two for the Road with Elvira Manahan and
Nestor Torre-
29. Ladies and gentlemen let's all welcome Miss Sheryl Cruz!
-Martin Nievera presenting Ruffa Gutierrez with this intro on
Martin After Dark-
30. Ladies and gentlemen, take it away with Miss Jean Saburat!
-Joe Quirino presenting Jean Saburit with this intro on Seeing
Stars with JQ
Padala ni Pabs Mendoza at Ariel Morales
Nakalista sa http://www.bayani.com/patawa
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Inyong lingkod,
Super Perez
Tagapamahala
http://www.bayani.com
http://bayani.com/balitaan - Balitaan sa Bayani.com
http://bayani.com/kuta - mga kuwento, egroups at iba pa
http://bayani.com/aklatan - Bilihan ng libro
http://bayani.com/patawa - Patawang Pinoy
http://bayani.com/card - Bayani.com Ecard
http://philshopping.com - mga bilihing sariling atin
http://philshopping.com/classifieds - Libreng Classified ads
http://1hunt.com - The first place to look
mailto:pinoyjokes-subscribe@egroups.com - mga medyo bastos na
patawa
mailto:bayani-subscribe@egroups.com - makilahok sa usapang bayan
mailto:sulat@bayani.com - para sumali, magpadala ng email ng
kaibigan upang imbitahan namin o magpatanggal sa listahan
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