Subject: Bayani.com Balita #36
Date: 10 Oct 99 23:43:55 +-0800
From: "Bayani.com"<sulat@bayani.com>
To: "Bayani.com Listahan"<super@bayani.com>

Kaibigan,

Mabuhay!
Kung mayroon kayong nais makita, patawang nais ibahagi o maging ano man pati
na ang magbuhos kayo ng sama ng loob :^), sumulat lamang sa
sulat@bayani.com. Sumulat sa mailto:pinoyjokes-subscribe@egroups.com para
maisali sa pinadadalhan ng mga bastos na patawang hindi sinasali dito.

Noong nakaraang biyernes, habang dumadaan sa Aguinaldo highway ng Cavite, ay
may nakita akong Land Cruizer na walang plaka.  Kasama nito ang isang patrol
car ng Cavite, isang government car at isang private car.  Pinatatabi ng
patrol car lahat ng kotse para makadaan sila at mauna sa traffic.  Tama ba
yon?  Isa kaya sa mga "Jeep ni Erap na kinuha sa customs" yung land cruizer?

Ang sermon ng pari ngayon ay tungkol sa isang handaan na maraming iniimbita
pero konti lang ang nakakapasok.  Pagkauwi namin, palabas ang "It's a
miracle" sa Channel 9 na nagpapakita ng mga mirakulo na dulot ng pagdadasal
at mga Anghel.  Sa news naman may mga kuwento tungkol sa mga lindol at
ibat-ibang sakuna.  Kung iisipin niyo po lahat iyon, marahil ay papasok rin
sa isip natin na baka nandito na nga ang panahon na kailangan magbalikloob
sa Diyos at gumawa ng mabuti.

Ang sarap ng durian!  Sabi sa reader's digest, ito raw ang hari ng mga
prutas.  Ang iba ay nababahuan pero sa mga "cultured" ang panlasa, mabango
ito.  Kakaiba ang lasa.  Hindi ko maikuwento ng mabuti pero para siyang
makremang atis na walang maliliit na buto at hindi kasing tamis pero ..
basta masarap.  Yung mga hindi pa nakakatikim, dapat kahit isang beses lang
ay masubukan ninyo ito.

Eto na po ang mga patawa.

===============

ERAP:" Can I go see the movie Hubad Na Kagandahan?"
FATHER:"No".
ERAP:"Bakit naman hindi pwede?"
FATHER:" Kasi it says 'No Admittance for those under 17' , that's why."
ERAP" Oh, himdi problema yan, I can find 16 friends to go with me."

++++++++

Erap, worried that his misstress might get pregnant during his regular
quicky with her, went to see his doctor for advice. The doctor gave him a
condom and says:" Put this condom on your organ before having sex."

After nine months, Erap went back to his doctor complaining that the condom
didn't work. So the doctor gave him another contraceptive instructing him
again: " Put this in your organ before having sex."

Another nine months have passed and Erap now furious and angry went to see
his doctor and complained that
the contraceptive didn't work. Now he's got two kids from his mistress that
it would be very difficult to hide them from his wife.

So the doctor, also worried, asked Erap if he's been following his
instructions. Erap replied quite sheepishly: " Doc, since we don't have an
organ we put them in our piano."

   Galing kay Ariel Morales

===============

Kaibigang Super, baka naman puwede niyo po akong tulungan sa peoples choice
award sa http://www.webbyawards.com.ph.  Pangatlo ang Bayani.com sa Culture
category ngayon.  Sandali lang naman po ang pagboto at pagrehistro e.  Sana
po mapaunlakan ninyo ako. - Super

===============

Arriving at a French restaurant with his son who was driving the car, Erap
tells him to ask for valet parking. And Erap says "val-et."
Erap's son corrects his father: "Val-ey parking."

Once inside the restaurant, Erap tells his son that they'll have buff-et.
Again, the son corrects the father: "Buff-ey"

After lunch Erap asks for the bill. Then he tells his son, "I left my
wall-ey in the car."

++++++++

Erap, on being praised for easily remembering people's names, says, "I have
a pornographic memory."

++++++++

Rushing from his office to attend a gathering of former army officers, Erap
is asked by his secretary where he is going
"I am meeting with some retarded generals."

++++++++

Asked what impressed him most after a visit to the Sea World, Erap says:
"It's the first time I've seen an octopus up close. I never realized it had
so many testicles."

++++++++

ERAP:I would like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco
OPERATOR: Just a minute sir
ERAP:Ah, ok. Thank you.

++++++++

JINGGOY:Dad, ilang S ba and suksesful, dalawa ba or tatlo
ERAP:Gawin mo ng apat para sigurado.

   Galing kay Ariel Morales

===============
Alagaan ang inyong mata.  Magpatingin sa Perez optical (
http://www.perezoptical.com).  May discount kapag binanggit ang pagbisita sa
Bayani.com at Super Perez sa mga Branches na nakalista sa website.
===============

*From Commercial

Bye Mom! Be home from camp on Sunday. Relax, I'll be okay.
Bye Mom! Be home at midnight. Relax, I'll be alright.
Bye Mom! I will always be your little girl.Come what may.
Mom: Hoy Junior!!! Tumigil ka nga d'yang damuho ka!!!

++++++++

*From Commercial

Nakita mo ang crush mo na nag-iigib sa poso, ano ang gagawin mo?!
Dapat cool!
Ah, eh Miss, can I pump you?!
Este, bombahin kita?!
Magpakatotoo ka brother! Yeah men!!!

++++++++

Erap working in his office. A guy knocks at the door of his office: sir,
busy po kayo?"
Erap: ano? isang taon na kong presidente, bisi pa rin tawag mo sa akin!

     Galing kay Melodramatic fool at text ni Lito Mancanes

===============
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===============

In Africa , Erap and FVR were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile
cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it,
and left them there.

As the water boiled and the heat  grew more and more intense, Erap started
to laugh uncontrollably. FVR can't believe it!

He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive!  They're gonna
eat us!  What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"

Then Erap said, "Sir, I just pee'd in the soup!"

+++++++++

Erap went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.  The doctor gave Erap
a jar and said: "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tommorow."

The next day, Erap reappears at his doctor's office and gives him the jar
back, which is as clean and as empty as on the previous day. The doctor
asked what happened and Erap explains:" Well, doc, it's like 'dis, first I
tried my right hand, then with my left hand, but nothing."

"Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her
left hand, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth with her teeth, then
without her teeth, she even sat on it, still nothing..."

"Hell, we even called up the Mrs. Macapagal-Arroyo next door, and she tried
with her left hand, then with her right hand, even with her mouth, still
nothing..."

The doctor was shocked, "You asked the vice-president?"
Erap replied: "Yep, no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar
open!"

        Galing kay Ariel Morales
        Nakalista sa http://www.bayani.com/patawa

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                      Tagapamahala
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