Subject: Bayani.com Balita #35
Date: 05 Oct 99 19:16:49 +-0800
From: "Bayani.com"<sulat@bayani.com>
To: "Bayani.com Listahan"@cvt.csi.com.ph

Kaibigan,

Mabuhay!
Kung mayroon kayong nais makita, patawang nais ibahagi o maging ano man pati
na ang magbuhos kayo ng sama ng loob :^), sumulat lamang sa
sulat@bayani.com.

Kaya po nahuli ang paglabas nito ay dahil umakyat kami ng Baguio.  Eto lang
po ang maibabahagi ko sa inyo: 220 ang pamasahe paakyat; okay na ang Peanut
brittle at Strawberry jam na 35 pesos; E3 na ang Spirits Disco at may
internet na; mas masaya kung marami kayo; at huwag magpapaulan kung ayaw
ninyong magkaroon ng sipon na tulad ko.

Sa Session road nd baguio, sa tabi ng dunkin donuts at westmont bank, tapat
ng chowking at mukhang bahagi ng construction may isang batang pitong-taon
ang gulang na nagbebenta ng Binatog sa halagang 10 piso.  Masarap ang
pagkakatimpla niya.  Pinupuno muna ng nilutong puting mais ang baso at
lalagyan ng niyog, gatas at asukal.  Masarap na, masustansiya pa.  May mga
ibang nabebenta sa palengke subalit mas magaling itong batang hindi namin
maalala ang pangalan.  Nasa ikalawang baitang siya sa paaralan at tumutulong
lang sa kanyang ama.

Magagaganda ang mga patawang medyo bastos na ipinadala sa akin.  Magpadala
lang nang blankong email sa autoresponder ng bastos@bayani.com para
matanggap ang bastos #6.  Magpadala na rin ng email sa
mailto:pinoyjokes-subscribe@egroups.com para makatanggap ng mga medyo bastos
na patawa tuwing may bago.

Tulong po!  Kung hindi pa po kayo nakakaboto sa People's Choice ng Webby
Awards sa http://www.webbyawards.com.ph ay sana iboto niyo ang ating
Bayani.com para sa Culture category.  Sana po ay mapaunlakan ninyo ang aking
munting hiling.  Dalawang minuto lang para makapagparehistro.

Eto na po ang mga patawa!

===============

Spanish teacher: Class use puera in a sentence

pupil:mi maestras es muy bonita (my teachers are very beautiful)

Teacher: Oh dats very flattering but where's the puera?

Pupil: Puera ka

++++++++++++

Clinton: I will put an end to poverty, to crime, and to MASS STARVATION!

Erap: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Guard: Pres, bakit kayo tumatawa?

Erap: Paano niya mapipigilan ang kalibugan ng tao? Sige nga!

              Galing sa mga Text ni Lito Mancanes

===============
Alagaan ang inyong mata.  Magpatingin sa Perez optical (
http://www.perezoptical.com).  May discount kapag binanggit ang pagbisita sa
Bayani.com at Super Perez sa mga Branches na nakalista sa website.
===============

Isang araw naglalakad si Mario sa daan. Sa kaniyang paglalakad ay may
nakasalubong siyang isang Amerikano.

Kano: Hey, Joe where is the road going to Baguio.
Mario: tumingala at siya'y nagsalita, sir; no bagyo today because the sun is
rising.

              Galing sa Email ni Neptalie Pangilinan

================

Erap's ABC

Erap, in his courting days, was a terror among ladies as history confirms.

He was fond of writing coded love messages through catch words such as:

ITALY = as in I TRULY ADORE AND LOVE YOU
SASAYA = as in STAY AS SWEET AS YOU ARE

To outdo these, he wrote his girlfriend working in The Middle East and it
started with:

ABC = as in ALWAYS BE CAREFUL
DEF = as in DON'T EVER FORGET
GHI = as in GO HOME IMMEDIATELY

and then he proceeded with

JKLM = as in JUST KEEP LOVING ME

then went on

NOPQRSTUVW (!) = as in NO ONE PERFECTLY QUITE ROMANTIC SHOULD TREAT U VERY
WELL (WHEW!!!)

then XYZ...hmmm...he paused and thought very hard after this far.

Then, he snapped his finger, and then wrote: XEE YOU ZOON!!!!

+++++++++++++++++

Mag Erap ay Di-Biro
1. kung wala kang makain, papakainin ka ni erap.
    kung wala kang damit, dadamitan ka ni erap.
    kung wala kang asawa, aasawahin ka ni erap.
    kung wala kang alam, lalo na si erap :D

2. erap and manoling went to the beach. After diving, a fish  swallowed
erap's dick. he punched the  fish and it
died.
    erap to manoling: kaya mo 'yun?
    manoling: oo naman, basta huwag mo akong susuntukin, ha?

3. erap calling hotel receptionist.
    erap: paano ako makakalabas dito sa kuwarto ko?
    receptionist: bakit po sir, ano pong problema sa mga pinto?
    erap: dalawa lang ang pinto. ang isa pag bukas ko banyo. 'yung isa naman
may nakasabit na "do notdisturb".

4. kinuha si erap na mag-endorse ng MILO.
    pina-acronym sa kanya. sabi niya
    M - masarap, I - inumin, L - lasang, O - ovaltine.

5. erap went to france to watch the world cup. he was toured around by a
french official. "mr. president, this is joan of arc. do you know her?"
    erap: of course. she's noah's wife.

6. loi slaps erap: you talked in your sleep last night. who's jasmine?
    e: she's the horse i bet on at the racetrack.
    next day, wife whacks him again.
    e: what's that for?
    l: your horse called!

7. People say...
    Alfredo Lim is half-Filipino, half-Chinese.
    Manoling Morato is half-Filipino, half-Filipina.
    Erap is half-Filipino, half-Alcohol.

8. First thing Erap will change is the name of Malacanang Palace to White
Castle.

+++++++++++++++++
Libreng classified ads sa http://www.philshopping.com/classifieds.  Puwedeng
magbenta, makipagpalitan o bumili doon.
+++++++++++++++++

Well, it seems that these three  fellows, FVR, Cory and Erap, are  about  to
be executed in front of a firing squad by the NPAs.

As the final hour approaches, each one of them is trying to think of a way
to escape this inevitable doom. The time comes for the execution and FVR is
brought first in front of the firing squad. As the blindfold is being tied
around his head, he decides that he will attempt his escape by diverting the
attention of his executioners at the final moment, and then running away.

The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: "10, 9,
8,.....".

Just before the officer reaches "1", FVR shouts, " F L O O D !!".

Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their rifles and turn around
searching for the onrush of water. In all of this confusion, the FVR manages
to take off his blindfold and run away. By the time the executioners are
aware of what happened, FVR has made his way deep into the woods.

Cory is called on next to appear before the squad. Seeing FVR's success, she
decides to attempt a similar escape. She knows, though, that her
executioners will not fall for the 'flood' trick again. Instead, she decides
to use another
natural disaster.

The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: "10, 9, 8,
.....".  Just  before  the  officer reaches "1",  Cory shouts, " T O R N A D
O !!". Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their rifles and turn around
searching for the onrush of wind. In all of the confusion, the Cory manages
to take off her blindfold and run away. By the time the executioners are
aware of what happened, Cory has made her way deep into the woods.

Erap is called on next to appear before the squad. Seeing his predecessor's
successes, Erap decides to attempt a similar escape. He knows, though, that
his executioners will not fall for the 'flood' or the 'hurricane' tricks
again. Instead, he decides to use another natural disaster.

The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: "10, 9, 8,
.....". Just before the officer reaches "1", Erap
shouts, " F I R E !!...".

         Padala ni Ariel Morales
         Nakalista sa http://www.bayani.com/patawa

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                      Inyong lingkod,
                      Super Perez
                      Tagapamahala
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