Subject: Bayani.com Balita #32
Date: 23 Sep 99 13:44:08 +-0800
From: "Bayani.com"<super@info.com.ph>
To: "Bayani.com Listahan"@mail2.info.com.ph

Kaibigan,

Mabuhay!
Kung mayroon kayong nais makita, patawang nais ibahagi o maging ano man pati
na ang magbuhos kayo ng sama ng loob :^), sumulat lamang sa
sulat@bayani.com.

May isang tanyag na Babae na nagpupumilit na dapat tayong magsaya sa Martial
law at may ilang nagmarcha para maipahiwatig ang kanilang pag-ayaw na maulit
ito.  Sa isang banda, maaaring ito nga ang naglayo sa atin sa Communismo at
nakapagdulot ng ilang kabutihan.  Sa kabilang banda, hindi natin
matatalikuran ang mga namatay, ikinulong dahil sa mga dahilang may kinalaman
dito at ang pagkakaroon ng mga kilalang tao ng mga perang nagkakahalaga ng
ilang bilyong dolyares.  Isa pa, bakit may  mga biktima ng human rights
violation noong batas militar (martial law)?  Kayo po ang humusga.

Bisitahin niyo naman po ang bagong gawang, dalawang araw binuno na
Philshopping.com Free Classified Ads.  Puwedeng magbenta, maghanap o
makipag-palitan dito.  Magpunta lang sa
http://www.philshopping.com/classifieds.

Ngayon ang kaarawan ng aking bunsong kapatid.  Sa aking palagay, nabigyan ko
siya ng isang napakagandang regalo. Nang tumawag siya dahil sira ang
kompyuter sa bahay, sinabi ko sa kanya na dahil malayo ako, buksan na niya
ang kahon ng kompyuter at hanapin ang problema.  Nang naayos niya, lumakas
ang tiwala niya sa kanyang sarili at alam na niya ngayon kung ano ang
gagawin sa susunod na may mangyaring ganoon ulit.  Tama nga ang sabi na
hindi mo dapat ibigay lang ang isda kundi turuan mo silang manghuli ng isda.
Pero siyempre, gusto pa rin niya yung CD ng laruan niya.

Bastos Jokes #4 nasa autoresponder na.  Magpadala ng blankong email sa
bastos@bayani.com para makuha "automatically" ang #4

Tama na ang chika, eto na ang patawa.
===============

Pres. Clinton, Yeltsin & Erap

Nakipagkita ang Diyos sa tatlong world leaders: kay Clinton, kay Yeltsin at
kay ERAP.

Wika ng Diyos sa kanila, "Kayong tatlo ay pwedeng maglahad sa akin ng isang
katanungan at tiyak na aking sasagutin. "

First came Clinton: "God, when will the special prosecutor, Kenneth Star,
finish his investigation so that I can eventually clear my name."

And God immediately replied: "By the Year 2015." And Clinton broke down and
cried.

Nagulat ang Diyos and asked: "Why do you cry, my son?"

To which Clinton replied: "Because I will no longer be around when that
happens which means I will go down in history as the US President who had a
sex scandal ridden administration!" And Clinton faded away.

Second came Yeltzin: "God, when will the Russian economy finally take off?"

To which God replied: "By the Year 2020." And Yeltzin broke down and cried.

Nagulat ulit ang Diyos and asked:  "Why do you cry, my son?"

To which Yeltzin replied:  "Because I will no longer be around when that
happens - so I will never see Russia's economy prosper and stabilize." And
Yeltzin faded away.

Finally came ERAP: "Diyos ko, ito lang naman ang tanong ko...When do you
think will I ever be accepted by the Filipino intellectuals and society's
elite and be considered by them as a competent leader?" At which point, God
broke down and cried...

Biglang nagulat tuloy si ERAP! Nagtatakang nagtanong si ERAP: "Diyos ko,
bakit naman ikaw ang umiiyak?"

To which God answered: "Kasi, when that happens, I will no longer be
around..."

Ipinadala ni Carol Tongco

===============
Alagaan ang mga mata ng inyong minamahal.  Bisitahin ang Perezoptical.com at
magregalo ng salamin o contact lens sa pamamagitan ng aming Gift
Certificates.  Tara na sa http://www.perezoptical.com.
===============

Pinapaselos Niyo Ako
Kring, kring.........
AMO:Inday sagutin mo ang telepono baka kabit yan ng Sir mo!!!
INDAY:Si Ma'am talaga o.....pinapaselos ako!!!

What dress? from: TXT
JINGGOY: Dad, ano nga palang tawag sa damit pangbuntis? Fraternity dress?
ERAP:Tangga, panlalake yon. Sorrority Dress dapat.

Apollo13 from: TXT
JINGGOY:Pa, nood tayo ng Apollo 13.
ERAP:Ikaw na lang hindi ko pa napanood ang 1-12. Hindi ko lang yan
maiintindihan.

VHSfrom: TXT
ERAP:Soli ko nabili kong VHS tape.
CLERK:anong problema?
ERAP:Walang picture saka sound. Sayang suspense thriller pa yata.
CLERK: Anong title?
ERAP:Head Cleaner.

Galing kay Luis Bacayon III

===============
(Pambungad lang.  Tayong mga Pilipino ay mahilig tumawa.  Kahit sarili natin
tinatawanan natin.  Kaya naman kahit may sakuna o paghihirap, konti lang ang
mga nag-aamok o nagpapakamatay sa atin.  Ang mga sumusunod ay mga halimbawa
ng mga patawa tungkol sa mga kapalpakan natin minsan.  Buti na lang galing
sa kapwa pinoy ito kung hindi Giyera na.)

Did you know that filipinos named Staten Island?
They were passing by on a boat and one said, "Is staten island?"

Why did the filipino cross the road?
the sprinkler was calling it.. sht sht sht

What did one filipino monument say to the other filipino monument?
Is statue?

What's the deadliest gang in the Philippines?
the "sini" gang.

There was a Pilipino kindergarten teacher teaching her class how to do the
hokey-pokey. She started off, "You put your right feet in, you put your
right feet out, you put your right feet in...." Suddenly one of the children
said, "Teacher you have to say 'foot.'" So the teacher said, "You  'foot'
your right feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out....."

A filipino guy gets stopped by immigration at the airport. Immigration tells
him, "Use the words 'chicken not bread' in a sentence." The filipino looks
around, puts a bag over a woman's head and yells, "Chee kennot bred! Chee
kennot bred!" (accent of "she cannot breathe")

There were 3 basketball teams: the white team, the black team, and the
filipino team. They all didn't know what to call each other. The white team
decided to be the "A" team and the filipinos were the "B" team. What  was
the black team? -the "E" team.

++++++

WAYS TO TELL IF YOUR FILIPINO

You eat using your hands and have it down to a technique!

You nod your head upwards to greet someone.

You flirt by having a foolish grin on your face while raising your eyebrows
repeatedly.

You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.

You find dried up morsels of rice stuck to your shirt or socks.

You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say
"excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.

You are perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows
resting on your knees.

You throw rice instead of money on new years'.

You consistently arrive 30 min- an hour late for all events.

You always offer food to all your visitors.

You say "for take out" instead of "to go."

You have a satellite dish for the filipino channel.

You ask for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."

You say "_aray_!" instead of "ouch!"

You pronounce the following words: "hippopo-TA-mus," "com-FOR-table,"
"bro-CO-li," and "Mongo-mery Ward."

You have a tabo in the bathroom.

You look at clothes tags to see if it was made in the usa.

Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune when it's in reverse.

You hang a rosary on your car's rear view mirror.

You have those air fresheners in a bottle or a can.

You order things like tapsilog, longsilog, or tocilog at restaurants.

Your cupboards are full of corned beef hash, Spam and Vienna Sausages.

Your neighbors complain about the smell of tuyo on Sunday mornings.

You use your fingers to measure the water when cooking rice.

You have an ice-shaver for making halo-halo.

You have a picture of the Last Supper in your dining room.

You have a huge wooden fork and spoon hanging in your kitchen.

You have a gold ship somewhere on the wall too.

You take more care of your car than your room.

You have difficulty opening doors cuz of the large pile of shoes behind it.

You have an unbelievable amount of uncles and aunties.

You eat with one leg up on the chair.

You say everything but "achoo" when you sneeze.

You pay for 2 people at a hotel, and sneak in 10.

You have relatives sending you pictures of them wearing your old clothes.

You think weddings seem extra extra long.

You notice all the dogs in your neighborhood are scared of you.

You refer to your VCR as the "Beyta-Max."

You have a supply of frozen lumpia in the freezer.

          Galing kay Ampil
          Nakalista sa http://www.bayani.com/patawa

  __
||__\   http://www.bayani.com
||  \\
||__//  Para magpalista, pumunta sa website
||__<     o lumiham sa sulat@bayani.com
||  \\
||__//  Huwag sana tanggalin ito upang
||__/     makapagpalista rin ang ibang tao

                      Inyong lingkod,
                      Super Perez
                      Tagapamahala
                      http://www.bayani.com

http://www.bayani.com/balitaan - Balitaan sa Bayani.com
http://www.bayani.com/kuta - Kuta ng mga Katipunero
http://www.bayani.com/aklatan - Aklatan ng Bayani.com
http://www.bayani.com/patawa - Patawang Pinoy
http://www.bayani.com/card - Bayani.com Ecard
http://www.philshopping.com - Tiangge sa Internet