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Wala pong pikunana ha?

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Batong Puti at Batong Itim 


Hindi lang si Armando probinsiyano. Taga-bukid pa
man din! Siya na siguro ang pinaka "promdi" sa
buong mundo.

Isang umaga, kagigising pa lang niya, napansin ni
Armando na ang kaniyang ari-arian ay hindi lang
malaking malaki kundi matigas na matigas pa at
mukhang namamaga ng husto. Natakot si Armando sa
kaniyang nakita kaya kumaripas agad siya ng takbo
sa bahay ni Doktor.

Kumatok si Armando. Bumukas yung pinto at
pinapasok ni Doktor si Armando. "Ano'ng problema
natin?" tanong ni Doktor. Sagot naman ni Armando,
"Ito pong ari-arian ko, pagang-paga nung paggising
ko! Natatakot po ako, Doktor..." "Hindi problema 'yan,
wika ni Doktor". Kumuha si Doktor ng kung ilang
"hielo" (ice cubes) mula sa kanilang freezer at ibinigay
kay Armando. Paliwanag ni Doktor kay Armando,
"Itong hawak ko (hielo o ice cube) ay batong puti."
Reseta ni Doktor kay Armando, "Dampi- dampian mo
nitong batong puti ang iyong ari-arian at sa ilang
sandali ay mawawala ang pamamaga." Nagpasalamat
si Armando kay Doktor at nagmadaling umuwi sa
kanila.

Pagdating ni Armando sa kanila, dinampi niya ang
"batong puti" sa kaniyang namamaga pa ring
ari-arian. "Tama si Doktor!" wika ni Armando sa
kaniyang sarili. "Sa pagdampi ng 'batong puti',
humupa nga ang pamamaga!"

Lumipas ang ilang araw, gumising si Armando isang
umaga na matigas at namamaga na naman ang
kaniyang ari-arian. Takbo agad si Armando kila
Doktor. Kumatok si Armando. Bumukas ang pinto at
pinapasok ni Misis si Armando. Tanong ni Armando
kay Misis, "Kailangan ko po ng 'batong puti' ni Doktor
kasi namamaga na naman ang aking ari-arian." "Wala
dito si Doktor", sagot ni Misis. "Ano ba ang
nararamdaman mo?", tanong ni Misis. Ipinakita at
ipinahipo ni Armando ang kaniyang ari-arian kay Misis
at natuwa si Misis sapagkat tunay nga namang sobra
ang pamamaga... hindi lang napakalaki... napakatigas
pa."

Biglang nagka-idea si Misis. Tinanggal ni Misis ang
kaniyang palda at ang kaniyang panty. Ipinakita ni
Misis ang kaniya namang ari-arian kay Armando.
Wika ni Misis, "Ito ay 'batong itim'. Ipasok mo ang
iyong namamagang ari-arian diyan at tiyak na
mawawala ang pamamaga." Sa madaling sabi,
pinasok na ni Armando, nilabas ulit, pinasok ulit,
nilabas ulit... buweno, alam niyo na ang nangyari
pagkatapos...

Pagkatapos nila Armando at Misis sa "batong itim"
therapy, tinanong ni Misis kay Armando, "O, ano
ngayon ang masasabi mo... Ano ang mas magaling,
yung batong puti o yung batong itim?"

Sumagot si Armando, "Naku, Misis, kung ako lang,
ang tatanungin, mas magaling ang 'batong itim!"

Bakit mo naman nasabi 'yun?", tanong ni Misis.

Nakangising sumagot si Armando, "Aba, ay may
gagaling pa baga diyan sa batong itim. Tanggal na
ang pamamaga, labas pa ang nana!" 

           Galing sa email na ipinadala ni: Jaworski P. Gomez 

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School Jokes 1 



THE THINGS WE LEARN IN GRADE SCHOOL

Chance had it that an Atenean and a La Sallite were
peeing in the Men's Room at the same time. The
Atenean finished first and after a quick shake, zipped
up and was about to quickly exit. The La Sallite
finished peeing immediately after, approached the
sink, turned on the faucet, started to wash his hands
and hurriedly shot a remark at the departing Atenean
-- "You must be an Atenean!".

The Atenean replied, "Why yes... you're right... But
aside from the obvious markings on my jacket, how
did you know?"

To which, the La Sallite answered rather haughtily, "I
noticed - you didn't wash your hands after peeing.
You see, we La Sallites, were taught very early in
Grade School, to always wash our hands after we
pee!"

And the Atenean replied somewhat sheepishly, "Oh...
Well.. You see, we Ateneans were taught, very early
in Grade School, never to pee on our hands..." 



MAHIRAP LAHAT

Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.



WHERE TO GO TO COLLEGE?

If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to
Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La
Salle.
If you have no money, go to PUP. 

CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought
it would be a good idea if he solicited the support of a
number of the Catholic Schools to get together to
create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas
Mass. The day before Christmas, the Monsignor
discovered that the Nativity Scene was still
incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this
was so.

* Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and
not three wise men.
* La Salle reported it couldn't come up with even a
single wiseman.
* Maryknoll reported that it couldn't come up with even
a single virgin.
* San Beda reported that it could only come up with
three wise gays.
* UP reported that they killed the three wise men.



QUESTION AND ANSWER

Q: What should an Atenean do when a La Sallite
hurls a grenade at him?
A: The Atenean should pick up the grenade, pull the
firing pin and hurl it back at the La Sallite.

Q: How do La Sallites count to ten?
A: One, two, three, another, another, another...



PASIKATAN NG GRADWEYTS UP: A number of past
Philippine presidents graduated from UP. Presidents
Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name
just a few!

ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo
graduates became national heroes like Jose Rizal,
Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio
Javier and many others.

UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates
become presidents and lead countries while Ateneans
end up getting shot!

LA SALLE: Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt
namin!

UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates
ninyo?

LA SALLE: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts;
si Gary Valenciano,Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid,
Monsour del Rosario . . 



HOW TO IDENTIFY A LA SALLITE

A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall and says:
"Miss, I'd like a green parrot, please." The salesgirl
looks at him and asks: "Sir..., are you a La Sallite, by
any chance?"

The La Sallite replies: "O... bakit mo naman natanong
'yan? If I ordered BLUE cheese, would you ask me if I
were from Ateneo? I don't think so. If I bought a
MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP? I
think not. So why then, when I want to buy a GREEN
parrot, do you ask me if I'm from La Salle???"

"Sir...kasi naman..." replied the salesgirl, "this is a
flower shop, eh." 




A TYPICAL CONVERSATION

Two La Sallites meet on the street and carry on a
typical La Sallite conversation:

La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I
have in this bag, I'll give you both of them.

La Sallite #2: Uh, three?

La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked!



BARKADA SA HUNTING

Tatlong magkaka-barkada: a La Sallite, a UP stude,
and an Atenean went on a hunting trip.

The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the
cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how he did
it, and he cooly replies: "I saw the tracks, I followed
the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!"

The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also
with a big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks,
and bang! I got the deer!" was the Atenean's story.

So the La Sallite decides to try it himself. But the next
night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two
companions find him bruised and bloody all over.
"What happened?" they ask?

"Well," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I
followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."



HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?

In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine
Society of Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of
the Board got curious in knowing what particular
schools attended the big celebration. So he checked
out the house where it was all happening. Guess who
he found out and where he found them?

* UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to
have a fraternity ritual 
* UP Los Ba?os - they were in the garden mowing the
lawn
* UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
* Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a
microphone chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling
* La Salle - they were eavesdropping
* San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while
others were at the bedroom with some Paulinians
* St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
* La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
* Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
* Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans
. . . like always
* Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three
hours already since arriving
* St. Scholastica - they were next in line with the
bathroom
* CEU - some were doing the dishes while others
were busy with the laundry
* St. Louis - they were in front of the air condition
* UE - they don't know what's air condition 
* UST - they were everywhere 
* FEU - they were nowhere 
* MLQU - sob! they were not invited
* San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by
security?
* Letran - the Security
* Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof 
* TIP - they were the ones who created the leak 
* NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
* JRC - they were the ones buying
* Adamson - went to Luneta instead
* Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
* CRC - what the hell is this party for?
* PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
* NCBA - what the hell is PSBA? 



anong sinasabi nila pag gusto nilang makipag-sex sa
love nila?

SAN BEDA - I like you 
ATENEO - I love you 
ADAMSON - It's my first time 
LA SALLE - I Trust You 
UST - shhhh! 
CEU - ayusin nyo nga ang pila nyo dyan.



A MURDER MYSTERY 
( to be solved solely on the basis of pure logic )

Mystery:
Who committed the murder?
Suspects:
   The Humble Atenean
   The Bright La Sallite
   The Innocent Maryknoller
   The Unaffected Assumptionista
   The UP Graduate

Culprit:
   The UP Graduate

Logic:
No such thing as a Humble Atenean or a Bright La
Sallite or an InnocentcMaryknoller or an Unaffected
Assumptionista. 

          Galing sa email na ipinadala ni: Ma.Isabel Villanueva, Bobbie, at Sam Toledo 

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Q: Ano ang pagkakaiba ng ice cream sa penis?
A: Ang ice cream didilaan mo para di tumulo, and
penis habang dinidilaan mo lalong tumutulo!!

Q: Bakit ang vagina vertical di horizontal?
A: Kasi kung horizontal sasara pag binuka ang legs.

Q: Ano ang mas matalas PUWET o NGIPIN?
A: PUWET!! Kasi kaya ng puwet putulin ang tae, ang
ngipin hindi!!!YAKK!! 

            Galing sa email na ipinadala ni: Loi Bacayon 


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